KISSing

One of the biggest canvassing techniques we drill into our trainees head is to KISS up their rap (short for rapport, its what we build with the people we talk to.  It’s like a pitch, its my spiel).  The natural tendency is to spout out endless amounts of facts to a complete stranger in order to convince the stranger of your legitimacy and knowledge.  However this is counter-productive.  Our goal is to engage individuals in five minutes or less to sign a petition, donate and write a letter to their local representative.  Complicated details associated with every campaign simply cause each individual to feel overwhelmed and like they need to do more research before committing to either side.  So every day I tell my trainees to Kiss it up–Keep It Simple Stupid.

It’s brilliant and taught me to be less verbose (correct use of this noun Katy?) in every scope of my life—conversation, job applications, even blogging.  So I would like to be brief and let you know whats going on.  The last time we talked I was feeling lost and had lost two important posessions: my bright blue sunglasses and my mp3 player.

Tonight at this very moment I am not feeling lost.  I just finished another 12-hour day that should have left me exhausted, frustrated and resentful, my typical mood when I walk out of work.  Instead I am completely overjoyed–last week my buddy Eric found my sunglasses in my boss’s office, hooray!  I could have kissed him but since he is recently married I thought it wise to refrain.  Instead I showered him with false promises that I would bake him a cake.  And today B-dubs in C-bus texted me to let me know my mp3 player turned up in her room.  And I get to see her on Sunday–which means two items I mourned loosing the past few weeks returned home to me. 

I’m feeling incredibly excited about this.  Not only are the next two weeks going to be fun-tastic-fabulous-filled, but I have the tools I need to be me.  And to top it all off, sexy men with good hearts keep applying for jobs and our office is going through another cycle where we have more men than women.  Makes me feel like dancing–or like kissing somebody.

So much sunshine this summer I’m ODing on Vitamin D.  Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Kisses until I see you lovely ladies next–and I think I can see you all within the next couple of months, so kisses to you too Delta airlines for making it possible!

Alex Marie *on est ensemble*

Dreamless in Ann Arbor

I can hear the birds chirping, heralding in thursday morning in ann arbor.  In exactly 17 hours a ridiculous amount of people from my job will be wandering around stupid drunk in my house.  In 29 hours I will be going to an orthodontist appointment in my hometown, and then 10 more hours from there picking up an old friend from the airport and driving up north many many hours.  To spend a lovely weekend with four girlfriends from high school, and return Monday morning to go back to work.  Ideally I wanted to sleep well all week. and eat well all week.  and on Friday have enough energy to apply to a job.  And I still can. and I suppose I will.

I was watching this movie called Timer.  It’s about a product that is a watch implanted on your arm that counts down until when you meet your soulmate.  The leading lady has a timer that hasn’t started counting down because her soulmate hasn’t gotten a timer, and it snowballs from there.  And really, for a typical chick flick it’s pretty profound.  How many times have I wished I just knew who I was supposed to end up with–or had a guarantee.  Of course she ends up in a relationship with someone else and when the timer finally counts down, she’s mad because she broke someone’s heart.  And it made me think how mad I would be if I had no choice in who I ended up with.  And I think Joe is waking up right now to go to work… I can hear mainstreet traffic starting to pick up as the day rolls in.  And as I continue to force my body to stay awake way past when I wanted to fall asleep, my light sensitivity causes tears to fall down my cheeks.  I can’t find my sunglasses and I have my sunglasses party tonight.  I can’t find my mp3 player since I came back from ohio and I think that’s why I haven’t been able to sleep.  I also don’t want to go to bed because it will be one step closer to dragging myself out of bed and to work today.  And even though I only need to fundraise a measly 39 dollars to hit my quota this week and technically could do nothing from 4-9pm tonight…  I know that it will be draining to just go to work.  Six hours of sleep if I fall asleep in five minutes and wake up an hour before work–no time to shop for drink ingredients I need or tidy for the party.  Just barely enough time to look fabulous, or passable.  Just in case my timer will go off, and in any case so that no one will know that I don’t let myself sleep some nights.  I really just want one day, one single day to sleep.  One day without the pressure to apply to jobs and clean my room and wash the dishes and do the laundry and go to doctors appointments and all of these other things I do to find fulfillment in my life.  Inertia.  She named the chronic symptom I have lived with for years without giving it a name.  For me its something more…it feels like a choice to remain at rest.  Out of fear or avoidance or god knows what I hit the pause button, procrastinate trying to gain a moment of clarity and control.  Procrastination spinning myself further and further into a funk which I have to claw my way out of in order to catch up.  And I never catch up.  If I feel like I’m just getting the hang of something thats when things fall apart and I have to rebuild.

When I really take a step back–I have come so far in the past four years.  I have built and invested in friendships which are my foundation and support.  I have taken huge strides in confidence and expression, and in the role I play within my own life.  I no longer see clutter and disarray as a personality trait, but admire and strive for organization and cleanliness for the peaceful zen it brings into my life.  It’s a process, I keep reminding myself.  And thank god I don’t know exactly who my soulmate is or what my destiny is—you know I would hate it on principle if I had a planned route.  It would make me feel claustrophobic and I wouldn’t feel alive, walking down it knowing exactly where each footfall would land and the exact sound of my bare feet scraping pavement.  I might stop walking simply out of boredom.

Such a balance–letting go and preparing for the future.  Finding a path that is right for me but not obsessing over the perfect path.  Organizing my life and making practical decisions while wondering if loosing my faith in idealism will send me toward a monochrome life in a cubicle.  Admitting I love being near my friends and family and this place which feels like home and giving up my wanderlust and desire for adventure and culture.

Confession: I always feel the need to share profound thoughts in this space.  Often I only come here when I have no other outlet for repressed feelings.  Which means the first half of my blog is a space for complaints and moanings, the second half for reflection and ending on a positive note.  At all costs I wish to avoid becoming the blogger who whines about how life is hard for one so young, boopity boopity boo, shubidy shub shub.  Here’s the thing.  When life is good—which it so often is many moments every day–I’m going to call you and share it with you.  I’m going to enjoy the moment and forget about it a second later when something goes wrong.  Its those moments of doubts and fears that I try to erase from my mind and end up resurfacing here.  So maybe I need to stop ignoring negative moments.  Maybe I need to reflect more on happy moments.  Maybe it doesn’t even matter.

Oh and on a completely unrelated note, recently I decided that I believe in God, like to pray and am going to join a religious community once I have a more permanent place of residence and employment.  So bless you all and love you bunches. Sweet dreams…

-Alexandra Marie